So yesterday afternoon, as I was attempting to "relax" before the bambino arrives, my doorbell rang once. After I hoisted my big belly up of the couch and waddled across the house, I was greeted by a stranger on my doorstep wanting to sign me up for a "free trial subscription" of the local newspaper. Ahhhhhh....no thanks. Return to couch.
Literally half an hour later, just as I was reacquainting myself with the cast of General Hospital, "ding dong" number two. Grunt, groan, shuffle, waddle, grab my breath....as I approach my front doorstep, another person I have never seen grace my front porch. And what could she possibly want from this 38 week prego? She, along with her small children and husband (standing off in the background) had been sent by the lord above to let me know there was room in their pews for big ol' me, and my hubby if I would like to bring him too - to Sunday's Pentecostal Service down the road. Ahhhhh...no thanks. Return to couch.
An hour or so later, just as I had wedged my ass comfortably into a "comfortable position" on the couch, propted all extremities higher than my belly so that swelling, tingling and numbness were to be kept to a minimum...I just began to drift off to sleep with The View ladies bickering in the background...knock, knock, knock, ding dong, ding dong! Oh for the love of %$#&*!!!!! Hoist, gasp for air, pretty much trip over the dog who is now running around ballistically because someone woke him up from his afternoon siesta, we both arrive at the door to our THIRD guest, who has come unannounced to my stoop! Any guesses on this one? Well it is election time in our end of the world so I am graced with the presence of some keener that has nothing else to do with their time than parade around neighbourhoods asking for "my guarantee" for a vote for their political party! Maybe if they "guarantee" that all their promises won't turn to lies the minute they are elected!!! Ahhh...no thanks!!! Skip the return to couch and head to office instead..... to produce this lovely sign that now adorns my front door....
Moral of this story....leave the pregnant woman ALONE!!!!!
And in case you were wondering if this works, I have had 4 others footsteps travel up my front porch, only to pause (reading my signage) and scamper off, leaving me to enjoy my last few days pre-mother-hood!!!