A New Year...A New Start to Old Habits!!!!

For some, New Years offers us a sort of “get out of jail” card, and allows us to make some promises to change our lives from here on in!!! What a fantastic ploy we play with ourselves to make a deal with the devil for mainly, what I have found as, dissapointment. So a few years ago, I forbade the practice of making new years resolutions, rationing…if I don’t make them, I can’t break them!!!!
So in welcoming in 2009, I will post some “REALISTIC” statements that I have stumbled on over the years. These may (or may not…) let you start your new year with a chuckle or two!!!
* I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
* I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
* I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
* I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
* I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....
* I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.
* I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
* I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
* I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
* I will not tell the same story at every get together.
* I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!
*Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my pj’s. Instead, I will take my laptop into the bedroom with me.
* I will eat ice-cream at midnight - every midnight of the year!
* I will not let the dog hog the pillow, growl at me from the sofa, and snatch the bun from my plate - this year he's going to learn that I'm the Alpha of the house and only I get to do certain things!
* If I see a UFO I won’t tell anyone about it.
* I'm going to learn cusswords in different languages. Broaden my vocabulary.
* I will not tell lies – ok, that might be a lie…..
* I will balance my checkbook….on my nose!
* I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation.
* With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year.
* I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when they think of me.
* I will go on long ego trips.
* I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth.
* Chat more over phone.
* Read less.
* Stop exercising. I will only run at high speeds if a wild animal is chasing me.
* Procrastinate more.
* Drink. Drink some more.
* Start being superstitious.
* Spend less time at work.
* Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
* Take up a new habit: Maybe smoking!
* I will not shout at the top of my lungs in the dark, as I am hiding behind the door to scare my husband as he is trying to find his way in the dark to the bedroom!! I thought it was funny but appartently not!
* I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
* I will remember it isn't worthwhile wrestling with pigs - you get all muddy and don't the pigs just love it!
* I will take neither myself nor any of the above seriously.

Happy New Years' 2009 to all the sistah's!!!! MWAH!!!!!